Politically correct rewriting of that damned song

Richard · Post by **Richard** » Wed Aug 29, 2007 10:48 am

Lizzie Borden may have taken a hatchet
And may have administered eighteen blows to her step-mother
And after approximately ninety minutes eating pears and ironing handkerchiefs
She may have administered eleven blows to her father

The only thing inaccurate about this, I suppose, is that she never actually got a chance to iron the handkerchiefs.

Liz Crouthers · Post by **Liz Crouthers** » Wed Aug 29, 2007 12:15 pm

you know that doesn't rhyme but what the hay, its cute.

Bob Gutowski · Post by **Bob Gutowski** » Wed Aug 29, 2007 2:36 pm

It might've been Lizzie
Who flew into a tizzy -
For her step-mom's and pop's
Bodies show thirty chops!

Liz Crouthers · Post by **Liz Crouthers** » Wed Aug 29, 2007 3:13 pm

Ha, even better BOB.

Richard · Post by **Richard** » Wed Aug 29, 2007 4:59 pm

The humor of my "rewrite" was that is doesn't rhyme, scan or can even be sung. That's because I'm making the point that the REAL events are so much less dramatic than the ones made up in the actual song.

But Bob, you really did make me laugh. I forgot that Lizzie rhythms with Tizzy.

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Wed Aug 29, 2007 5:54 pm

Andrew was struck by 10
No matter what the authors pen
Abbie was hit 19 times
The rhyme should total 29.

Lefty · Post by **Lefty** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 5:53 am

Here's my best attempt.

Lizzie Borden so some say,
Took a hatchet one warm August day.
And with 19 blows along side the bed,
She left her step-mother lying dead.

90 minutes later her father was dead,
10 blows had been struck to his head.
The police believed she was telling a yarn
When she claimed at the time she'd been up in the barn.

Although she didn't do it, the jury would say,
There are still many others who think that she may.

snokkums · Post by **snokkums** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 10:43 am

That's cute! I like that. Wish I had that kind of talent write stuff like that.

Angel · Post by **Angel** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 11:00 am

Lizzie dreamed of the good life,
But saw a problem with Dad's wife.
Poison didn't fit the bill,
So she went in swinging for the kill.

Home free, she thought, till Dad came back.
So she went in for another hack.
The jury said "No lady'd kill!",
So now she's living on the Hill.

(Another slow day at work.)

Bob Gutowski · Post by **Bob Gutowski** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 1:59 pm

Lizzie told the jurymen
"I truly didn't do it."
"We certainly hope not," they said,
You're free, go home (oh, screw it)!"

Allen · Post by **Allen** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 2:12 pm

With 19 blows dear Abby was found,
So savagely taken with nary a sound,
After only 10 swings at old Andrew's head,
The killer was satisfied he was quite dead.

Bob Gutowski · Post by **Bob Gutowski** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 2:20 pm

And he's not only merely dead, he's really most sincerely dead!

Cute, Allen, and very singable!

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Thu Aug 30, 2007 10:55 pm

Those are all very creative!

Yes I think Missy wins.
She also got the deaths in order- which my rhyme couldn't

Allen · Post by **Allen** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 1:36 pm

Bob Gutowski @ Thu Aug 30, 2007 1:59 pm wrote:Lizzie told the jurymen
"I truly didn't do it."
"We certainly hope not," they said,
You're free, go home (oh, screw it)!"

Thanks guys. I had fun writing that, even though it was only a few lines long. I have to say I liked Bob's, it made me chuckle.

augusta · Post by **augusta** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 2:50 pm

More! More! These were great!

I wonder why they settled on "40 whacks" for that. Why not 20? Thirty would have been a real close count.

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Tue Sep 04, 2007 3:31 pm

I used to think it was because nothing rhymed with twenty-nine, but there are!

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Mon Aug 18, 2008 5:18 am

Well, I'm no poet and my feet don't show it..They certainly aren't Longfellow's.
Ok, here is my poem and I admit it is really bad. I couldn't resist. I wanted in on the fun too.
40 whacks, why not at all.
29 whacks, the hatchet did fall.
For the rumors are not true,
But what is innocent Lizzie to do.

The cry of murder rang out
That day and we know Lizzie
Did it some would say.
Off to jail poor Lizzie went
Night and day there she spent,

Lizzie sat in court day after day
And finally the jury had their say.
Twelve men all in a row,
Told the Judge to let her go.

A quite life at Maplecroft waited,
But the murders were still debated.
A hundred years has now gone by,
But the talk will not die.

Did she do it, time didn't tell,
But oh the books it did sell.
Lincoln did one and what a shame
On Lizzie head she placed the blame.

To the ages she now belongs,
So with that I end my song.

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Tue Aug 19, 2008 1:57 am

Oh I like that!
It got better and better.

Thanks!

Debbie · Post by **Debbie** » Tue Aug 19, 2008 8:11 am

Kat thanks for the kind words.
I have thought about putting it in a new thread since this one is so old.
I know it isn't really that good, but I did work hard on it.

Kat · Post by **Kat** » Wed Aug 20, 2008 3:25 am

It did get better and better! You obviously noticed too!

That's how writing goes- the more you write, the better it gets.

hopefully...for most people