Sexual harassment, men's and women's behaviors, "Mike&q

[ddnoe]

Sexual harassment, men’s and women’s behaviors, “Mike” and I
By Denise Noe

I think the feminists were right to point out the problem of sexual harassment. However, one barrier to effectively addressing this problem may be a common perception – and perhaps misperception -- that men are always those making crude sexual remarks or gestures and women are always those embarrassed or offended.

The Kellie Pickler song, "Things That Never Cross A Man's Mind" says "That joke is too dirty" is one of those things.

My good friend Blunner Huzka has worked as a cook for almost all of his life. He presently works at an expensive steak restaurant. He has told me that women working there have flashed their breasts at him, mooned him, and frequently make explicit sexual remarks and jokes. In fact, one of the several reasons he so dislikes his job is that he dislikes the crude behavior of his co-workers, both male and female.

Hollywood Squares may not be a supreme authority. However, one question asked was: "According to a recent study, who talks about sex more -- men or women?"

The celebrity asked the question mulled it over for a moment and then said, "Women do."

The host said that was the correct answer.

I've asked other people which sex they think talks about sex more and some of them have said it is women. My good friend Blunner Huzka believes women talk more about it than men do. I once worked with a woman who said that, especially if there are no men around, women's conversation tends to get "rancid." My ex-husband said he thought women tend to "talk dirty" more than men do.

I recently had an experience that may be relevant. I have to give some background for you to understand it. About every day, and usually several times a day, I go to a convenience store within walking distance. It is owned by a man I’ll call “Muhammad” and often worked by “Abdullah”. The two are related.

At this store, I often talk to a construction worker named “Mike.” We're not flirting or really friends but just acquaintances on friendly terms. He sometimes calls me "the candy monster" because I buy so much candy from the store.

Anyway, we were outside the store and I was talking to Mike and another man. I mentioned that I had recently read the Bible all the way through. Then I talked about the famous story of Adam and Eve and the Forbidden Fruit. "Everybody always says it was an apple that tempted Eve but the story in Genesis never says it was an apple," I pointed out. "I think the Forbidden Fruit had to be the banana because the banana is the one fruit that resembles something we women often like to put in out mouths."

"Oh, Denise!" Mike exclaimed as he grimaced. "I didn't know you’d go there! You're embarrassing us."

"I'm sorry I embarrassed you," I said. Then I changed the subject to something I'd read about math.

When I told my Blunner about this, Blunner said, "Well, you really shouldn't make that type of a joke with someone you don't know well and aren't close to."

"Do you think he really was embarrassed?" I asked. "I mean, he's a construction worker."

"Well, if you assume he's a crude person because he's a construction worker, then you're stereotyping him," Blunner pointed out.

"Do you think I was harassing him?" I asked.

"It doesn't sound like harassment to me," Blunner replied. "It sounds like a gaffe."

Anyway, it was with some trepidation that I saw Mike again when I went to the aforementioned convenience store because I wondered if he would speak to me.

"Hi, Denise," he said. "What are you reading?"

"It's a book on backgammon," I answered, showing him the slim paperback I carried.

"Abdullah, you've got to put a backgammon table up," he said to the man behind the counter.

Your thoughts, dear readers?

[william]

Denise :
If I were Mike I would have been shocked too, also appalled- and I'm ninety years old!

[1bigsteve]

I never liked being around dirty talkers but I agree that women can get extremely rancid. I have been mooned and shown everything else by women.


-1bigsteve

[twinsrwe]

... At this store, I often talk to a construction worker named “Mike.” We're not flirting or really friends but just acquaintances on friendly terms. He sometimes calls me "the candy monster" because I buy so much candy from the store.

Anyway, we were outside the store and I was talking to Mike and another man. I mentioned that I had recently read the Bible all the way through. Then I talked about the famous story of Adam and Eve and the Forbidden Fruit. "Everybody always says it was an apple that tempted Eve but the story in Genesis never says it was an apple," I pointed out. "I think the Forbidden Fruit had to be the banana because the banana is the one fruit that resembles something we women often like to put in out mouths."

"Oh, Denise!" Mike exclaimed as he grimaced. "I didn't know you’d go there! You're embarrassing us."

Denise, I have a question for you. It is my understanding from the information you gave us, that the relationship between you and Mike is not one of flirting with each other, and the two of you are not really friends, but just acquaintances. If this is true, then why did you feel the need to drag a sexual comment into a discussion regarding Adam and Eve and the Forbidden Fruit? I'm thinking you not embarrassed Mike, but the other man as well!

I don't know as though I agree that women make more sexual statements than men do, however, I believe that when a sexual statement is made by a woman, it holds a huge impact, because it is not something that is expected to come out of the mouth of a woman. I do agree that many women, not all, can and do make statements that are just as raunchy, if not more so, than men.

[SallyG]

I find this topic interesting for the following reason. My husband was recruited 3 months ago for the position of executive chef at a country club in south Florida. We gave up good jobs, a nice home, and moved down here to Florida from Maryland for this job, which was a very lucrative position.

He was there for 3 weeks....3 WEEKS...before he was let go because the culinary level was not up to what they had expected at that point in time. This club has been run into the ground for many years and the food has been horrendous. They had hired a new general manager..a 35 year old woman....very attractive.

She repeatedly, during the time he was there, commented on how tall and handsome he was...he responded by saying his wife (me) thought so as well. He said the comments made him uncomfortable, but he didn't pay them much mind. He had too much to do trying to get the place up and running the way it should be.

My husband is an award winning chef, has a portfolio of hundreds of letters from extremely satisfied customers, and has been complimented on his skills by everyone, including congressmen, senators, and a vice president.

So in 3 weeks he's fired?

Sexual harrassment is very hard to prove, but women can be just as capable of sexual harrassing a man. The problem is, if a man is the victim, no one takes him seriously. Even my husband is not taking it seriously....he just comments "well, I'm no Michael Douglas!"

Sorry, but I don't see the difference...this woman made inappropriate comments to him, he didn't take the bait, and she fired him for no reason. If a male boss had done that to ME, everyone would be SCREAMING sexual harrassment!

Hopefully, this bimbo will get what's coming to her sooner or later. You don't have someone give up everything to move his family several states away, then fire him after 3 weeks with some lame excuse.

Right now, I wish I'd never set foot in Florida! And needless to say, I'd love to claw this bimbo's eyes out!!!

[Harry]

Wow, Sally, that's a bad ending. It really stinks what they did.

I know how hard it is to have to pull up roots and change your whole life. I've had to do it twice when my former company transferred me.

I hope he finds an even better position and it all works out for you both.

[ddnoe]

... At this store, I often talk to a construction worker named “Mike.” We're not flirting or really friends but just acquaintances on friendly terms. He sometimes calls me "the candy monster" because I buy so much candy from the store.

Anyway, we were outside the store and I was talking to Mike and another man. I mentioned that I had recently read the Bible all the way through. Then I talked about the famous story of Adam and Eve and the Forbidden Fruit. "Everybody always says it was an apple that tempted Eve but the story in Genesis never says it was an apple," I pointed out. "I think the Forbidden Fruit had to be the banana because the banana is the one fruit that resembles something we women often like to put in out mouths."

"Oh, Denise!" Mike exclaimed as he grimaced. "I didn't know you’d go there! You're embarrassing us."

Denise, I have a question for you. It is my understanding from the information you gave us, that the relationship between you and Mike is not one of flirting with each other, and the two of you are not really friends, but just acquaintances. If this is true, then why did you feel the need to drag a sexual comment into a discussion regarding Adam and Eve and the Forbidden Fruit? I'm thinking you not embarrassed Mike, but the other man as well!

(Denise) Obviously, I shouldn't have done it. It was a misguided attempt to be cute and make them laugh. As I readily acknowledge in the essay, it backfired badly.

[twinsrwe]

(Denise) Obviously, I shouldn't have done it. It was a misguided attempt to be cute and make them laugh. As I readily acknowledge in the essay, it backfired badly.

I think we have all (men & woman) been there, and done that, at some time in our lives. I have a feeling that you were more embarrassed than they were, when you realized your comment embarrassed them. These two men were most likely embarrassed because they don't know you very well, and did not expect that kind of a comment to come from you, especially since the subject was of a religious nature. I think all women need to learn when it is appropriate to make sexual comments and when to bite their tongues. I am sure you learned a big lesson with this experience.

[twinsrwe]

Sally, that really sucks! I feel badly for you and your husband. It is unfortunate, but true, that sexual harassment is extremely hard to prove - more so, when the victim is a man being harassed by a woman. Unless your husband is willing to file a sexual harassment suit and has witnesses who are willing to back him up, he doesn't have a prayer. Is this particular job really worth everything he would have to go through?