Stay away from matches

[Harry]

This amusing article appeared in the Portland Mercury, Aug. 25 - 31. I've reduced the content to the part that deals with Lizzie:

“I’ve Been Set on Fire—Twice!”
…And No, I Wasn’t Drunk

BY MARJORIE SKINNER
--------------------------
Cautionary Tale #2: The Ghost of Lizzie Borden

Have you ever had one of those artsy-fartsy boyfriends who's always roping you into weird projects? Well I had one, and he convinced me to play the part of Lizzie Borden for a performance with his band. Borden was a little girl believed to have murdered her parents and baby brother—and then eaten them! (Actually she was a grown woman, they weren't eaten, and she was acquitted of the crimes, but the legend lived on in nightmares and nursery rhymes).

My primary Lizzie-duty was to jump rope with a flaming jump rope. I practiced for a few weeks with some fire dancers, and in rehearsals the flames would sometimes hit me, but nothing happened. I wasn't even afraid of it by the night of the performance, and the first round of jumping went fantastically.

But then, near the end of the show, I was to perform my flaming jump rope act again. Confidently, I swung the rope in front of myself, preparing to jump in. When it tapped me on the shins, I didn't even look down. That is, until the audience let out a collective, horrible shriek. Both my shins were ablaze!

By the time they put out the fire, my tights had melted into my flesh. They had to cut them off, and the resulting wounds looked like ground chuck. But lucky for me, my boyfriend had recently set his face on fire (don't ask) and still had this mysterious Japanese horse oil his mom had given him. I used it on the burns three times a day for months and months. And, now there's barely any scarring!

[Postscript: The performance was videotaped, and everyone agreed that the part where I set myself on fire was really cool, so they ended up using it in one of their music videos. I broke up with my boyfriend less than a month afterward.]

MORAL: Don't date accordion players! Just kidding. Don't invoke the souls of legendary evil figures!"

You can read the whole article at:

http://www.portlandmercury.com/portland ... gory=34456

Poor Lizzie! Eaten them? What next?

[Kat]

Oh my Gawd! What a Story!
I don't love Lizzie That Much!

[doug65oh]

Good Grief!!!! Yaknow, I'll bet this gal's insurance premiums are outrageous! (I doubt even that lizard would touch her with a ten foot pole - flaming or otherwise!)

[augusta]

Good story, Harry. Thanks! How do you find all this neat stuff?

[Susan]

That reminds me of that group, what was it, the Dolomites that had that song about Lizzie killing her parents and then eating them too. Hope this idea doesn't became a "fact" that is passed around; Lizzie Borden? Yeah, I've heard of her, didn't she kill her parents and then eat them?

[Edisto]

Andrew Borden certainly doesn't look very tasty, and I think Abby would be a little fatty for my taste. Good grief! I have a feeling the "jump rope" woman and her cohorts were into recreational drugs. Or maybe not so recreational.