Directly across the road from my parents’ is a B&B called “Orchardcroft” (!) & I will make sure to get a picture of that.
In the meantime, I am going to bitch…so here goes.
Always when in Canada & I think of England, & I recall that it’s charming and romantic. Every time I come back here the reality hits.
Word of advice, if you plan to visit England, rent a car. Be prepared to drive on the left-hand side of the road, however. This will entail doing everything backwards. Know that British drivers are demented. They are speed demons. They speed along twisty little skinny roads barely more than one lane wide. How ½ the population isn’t constantly being killed in crashes, I’ll never know. But you’ll need a car, because the public transportation is awful. Esp on weekends. Schedules are meaningless. Be prepared to bring your knitting or a gameboy because you may wait for a bloody bus or train as much as 45 mins later than scheduled. If you’re in fabulous shape, biking is an option. However, you’ll encounter lots of hills (hence the need for being in shape) & you will probably be scared senseless by the speed demons.
British plumbing; O the horror! Unless you’re Charles & Camilla, or a yuppie, water in the same sink will be on two different systems. Hence, one tap for cold, one tap for hot. Ne’er the twain shall meet. So, if you like to wash in nice warm water…sorry. The sink in my parents’ bathroom has the expected two taps with two spigots. I don’t like it, but will live with it. On the bathtub, I was overjoyed to see 2 taps, 1 spigot & a shower attachment. “Woo hoo!” thinks me, “I may actually have a shower!” So, this morning, I put the hot water on (hot water takes for-bloody-ever to get hot), then turned on the cold tap to adjust to the temperature I wanted. Every time I turned on the cold, the hot water was instantly obliterated. After about 5 mins of trying desperately to get WARM water thru the shower head, I felt a temper tantrum coming on & went looking for Daddy. He explained that this one spigot was merely an illusion. Turning on the cold water automatically shuts off the hot; it’s one or the other. What the point of having a shower attachment is, I’ll never know. You have the choice of being severely burned or freezing yourself numb. In the end, I gave up & had a bath.
The “charm” of British cooking instructions: My mum is in hospital, so I am cooking & cleaning up for the Pater. Brits who lived thru WWII think the only vegetables safe to consume come in cans. They love prepared foods. So, you use what’s in the house & thus must follow cooking instructions while using strange & tiny appliances. All electric outlets have ON/OFF switches. So, if you wonder why the electric kettle hasn’t boiled in the last 10 mins…you realize you forgot (again!) to turn on the outlet. Egads. Tonite I made a Sunday dinner of chicken with stuffing. On the one hand, this is the biggest chicken I’ve ever seen in my life. The packaging calls it “medium”. Dad says they let chickens live longer over here before they turn them into food. I can’t imagine what a ‘large’ would be, as this one was as big as a turkey. I had the oven on for about 15 mins before I discovered I had to turn on the electrical outlet. Mashed potato making was fairly standard. Chicken gravy comes in freeze dried granules. Instructions thus:
So Easy…Put 4 heaped 5 ml spoons of granules into a measuring jug. Make up to ½ pint of boiling water, stirring all the time. For extra thick gravy, just add more granules. “Don’t you have to heat it?” Thinks me. It never sez so. I raised one eyebrow, played it by ear & did the whole thing in a small pot on the stove (called a 'cooker'). It was fine. I added drippings for good measure.
Unfortunately I tossed out the pkg of instant stuffing mix (it was even more amusing). They also haven’t got to the point of recycling cardboard here. So, that package is now buried under chicken bones.
The only fresh veggies (not counting 2 big bags of potatoes) in the house is a bag of carrots. I asked Dad if he wanted carrots. His response, “Good God No!” I asked him if he wanted V-8 juice (the whole dinner being starch, fat & protein). He told me he’d already had his veggie portions for the day. This is puzzling, because I made breakfast, & that was bacon, eggs, hash browns & toast. I also made his lunch, which was a grilled cheese sandwich. I can only figure potatoes and ketchup are what he considers his veggie portions.
That’s it for today. I’ll leave you with a few of the nice sights I managed to glimpse as we sped by on the bus on the way to visit Mum in hospital…
), she's to have 2 blood transfusions & a few inhaler kinds of meds.
'Am I???' )