Lizzie Borden Society Forum

I cannot see
I cannot pee
I cannot chew
I cannot screw
Oh my God, what can I do?
My memory shrinks,
My hearing stinks
No sense of smell,
I look like hell
My mood is bad -- can you tell?
My body is drooping
Have trouble pooping
the golden years
have come at last
the Golden years
can kiss my ass.

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today..

The people who are starting college this fall were bon in 1990.
they are to young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.

Their lifetime has always included aids.
The cd was introduced three years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable.
Jay Leno has always been on the tonight show.
Popcorn has always been microwaved.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They have never heard: "Where's the beef","I'd walk a mile for a camel", or "DE plane boss, DEplane".
Mcdonalds nver came in styrofoam containers.

They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.

You can write this in larger print for the ones you have trouble reading small print. LOL!

Save the earth.It's the only planet with chocolate.

Live long and laugh alot!!

Frien of mine emailed me this. Thought I'd share it.

Yes, it's horrifying to think of age! I had to ask someone just last week if they were too young to know what "nerf" was!

Snokks, that is a classic! I read it five minutes ago and I can't stop laughing! I'm going to print that one out for my dad. He'll die laughing! Thanks for sharing it with us.

-1bigsteve (o:

That is soooo funny!!! To their horror I would tell them I only remember tv in black & white & only able to get about 3 channels.

Snokks, my dad wanted me to thank you for sharing that with us. I printed that out for him and he is still laughing about it. He has been sharing it with his friends. He appreciates it! Thanks, Snokks.

I look at CDs as current cutting edge technology so it's hard to imagine they are older than these current collage kids. When I tell these young "adults" that I remember the death of President Kennedy they look at me like I'm a fossil from the ice age and I'm not even 60! Even some of their parents were not even born then. Talking about feeling old!

-1bigsteve (o:

Hilarious quote, Snokkums, thanks!

Does anyone else remember streetcars? The electric trolley cars running on rails embedded in the street pavement? The power source was overhead electric lines. I remember the embedded rails made for somewhat slippery driving for folks in cars at times. The seats were reversible and there was an operator's station at both ends of the car. When the end of the line was reached, the operator flipped the seats over and ran the car from the opposite end, no need to turn around! The final streetcar run in Milwaukee was made in the 50's and I rode on it.

Boy do I!

I took a vacation in San Francisco in '64 and fell in love with those street cars. I love anything on rails any way. I drove through San Francisco in '86 thinking I would "relive" the magic but the traffic, one-way streets, steep hills and lack of parking made the trip a night mare. I'll never drive there again. In the late '60s I saw some up in Canada I believe it was. It's strange seeing rails embedded in the streets. I loved the "clang, clang" sound of the bells. Fond memories.

-1bigsteve (o:

If I'm not mistaken, the first buses which replaced the streetcars were electrically powered and used the same overhead electric lines. They were much quieter than their replacement diesel buses.

San Francisco sounds like Chicago with hills added where driving is concerned! I remember being stuck in the Loop during rush hour several years ago! Another time I drove from Milwaukee to O'Hare field and it took as long to get from the expressway exit to the terminal as it did to drive from Milwaukee to Chicago!

I remember the electric buses/cars. I remember seeing the sparks and hearing the crackling sound coming out of the connection between the cables and the metal rod that slides along it taking power. There is a yard in the northwest section of San Francisco that houses a bunch of those old worn out, retired electric buses. It's like stepping back in time. Canada has a lot of electric buses too. I could stand there forever watching those cars go by. The ugly green monsters!

My grandparents lived next to a rail line when I was a kid. Every few hours a freight train would rumble by at about 60 MPH. Running out into the yard as that thing passed by was the highlight of my day. I remember standing between the rails and watching this light hovering above the rails miles down range. You couldn't see any part of the engine, just the light. Slowly the front of the locomotive would become visible and then you could feel the locomotive before hearing it. One day when I was 7 I put a head-sized rock on the rail. I cringe when I think of how close I came to de-railing that train. The cow catcher on the front of that diesel kicked that rock a good 200 feet. No one noticed what I had done but when I suddenly realized that someone could have been killed with that rock I made sure I never pulled that stunt again.

I have a lot of fond memories of trains and street cars.

-1bigsteve (o:

Thanks Onebigsteve1. I thought it was funny too. An I can remeber 3 channels and black and white tv's too Nadzieja. And the tv didn't have remotes.I can remember the first runs of the Brady bunch, the Partridge family, and All in the house.

Wait till you tell some of these youngsters about 8 track tapes and players.

And you really old is when the young pups think that Chicago and Earth Wind and Fire are brand new groups!

I remember sixteen major league baseball teams in two leagues, without divisions:

American League: Cleveland Indians, Chicago White Sox, New York Yankees, Detroit Tigers, Boston Red Sox, Washington Senators, Baltimore Orioles, and Kansas City Athletics.

National League: Milwaukee Braves, Chicago Cubs, Philadelphia Phillies, Cincinnati Reds, Pittsburgh Pirates, San Francisco Giants, Los Angeles Dodgers and St. Louis Cardinals.

Some of us may remember the Brooklyn Dodgers, Boston Braves, New York Giants, and Philadelphia Athletics.

Remember when gas pumps only ran to $9.99 before returning to zero?

I remember going to the K.C. Athletics games as a kid, and full service gas stations.

You're right, I remember Earth, Wind & Fire & Chicago.
I remember going into Dunkin Donuts, sitting down & buying a chocolate covered donut & a coffee, it cost a whole 25 cents!!!

Shoot, I remember when TV screens were round and about the size of a small goldfish bowl and the console was nearly as big as a refrigerator. You were lucky to get 3 channels and they signed off at 11:30 after the news with the national anthem, then went to a test pattern. You had to walk across the room to turn the set off then watch the screen shrink to one little white dot. And Dunkin Donuts used to GIVE AWAY free the little donut holes long before they were Munchkins. A kid could go to the movies all day long, get a cup Coke out of a machine, a candly bar (full-sized) and a cone of popcorn all for 50 cents. - 30 cents for the ticket, 5 cents for the Coke, a nickel for the Hershey bar, and a dime for the popcorn. And there was a cartoon or two, news of the world, a featurette, a B flick and a major feature. There were uniformed usherettes, nice clean lobbies with great lobby cards and posters, and fancy powder rooms and lobbies with a puffy tuffet and mirrors and lights. The big screen was huge and had massive velvet curtains with fringe which parted at showtime. You did what the usher told you or you were thrown out. They had flashlights and used to go after "neckers" in the balcony or rotten kids spitting Juicy Fruits and Black Crows on people below. Ah yes- MacDonald's or Burger Chef after the movie, burgers, 2 for 25 cents. The big sandwich loaf was 14 cents, gasoline was 29 cents a gallon. Your parents never had to worry a minute about dropping you off alone all afternoon and you could walk home and play out on the street until after dark with no fear. Those were the days.

Speaking of popcorn in cones, remember soft drinks, referred to as phosphates, being served in a paper cone insert in a plastic or metal base? They were made by mixing the syrup with carbonated water from the soda fountain. I remember penny candy and bubble gum being sold at the pharmacy. Three kids could tie up a clerk for the better part of half an hour trying to decide on fifteen cents worth of candy!

snokkums @ Thu Apr 09, 2009 2:00 am wrote:Thanks Onebigsteve1. I thought it was funny too. An I can remeber 3 channels and black and white tv's too Nadzieja. And the tv didn't have remotes.I can remember the first runs of the Brady bunch, the Partridge family, and All in the house.

Wait till you tell some of these youngsters about 8 track tapes and players.

And you really old is when the young pups think that Chicago and Earth Wind and Fire are brand new groups!

I remember when the Rifleman, Perry Mason and Leave It To Beaver were still in production. Strangely how the films looked as old then as they do now. Must have used cheap-o film stock. I remember TV screens being smaller than a small computer monitor is now. Remember the late night test pattern? I liked to stay up and watch that come on. I remember thin sheets of taffy in pink and white stripes sandwiched beween two sheets of wax paper for about a nickel. I loved those 8oz. cokes in bottles! They tasted so good on a hot day.

Remember when small country stores had only two clerks and one was the butcher operating the meat counter? I can recall motor oil at gas stations coming in glass containers with a metal pouring spout. They changed your tires at service stations then to. Remember the tires all lined up above the work area on that rack and the tires you got were the ones they had? You didn't have a choice. Highway bias-plies only!

I could go on all day.

-1bigsteve (o:

Snow tires were a biannual consideration here. On in the Fall, off in Spring. The studded snow tires were the best thing since sliced bread, but they chewed the roads up, so they were banned.

I expect the early TV picture tubes were primitive enough that the film quality didn't matter much! I remember the Nixon/Kennedy election when the TV stations went off the air without having determined the winner.

I can remember when the service station was a full service station. The guy would come out pump the gas clean the windows, take the money, etc.
You can't fine that now anywhere. How about the partridge family and the brady bunch? Anybody remember those shows?

I can't stand The Brady Bunch but my sister loves it. The Partridge Family was based on The Cowsills. Barbara Cowsill wanted to play herself but the producers said no so they had to change the show to the fictional Partridge Family setting. It was a fun light hearted show.

Remember the simple toys we grew up with? I had tons of fun with balsa wood airplanes with the wind-up rubber band, electric trains, etch-a-sketch, slingshots, those black super balls that "bounced over houses (they did)" and air guns that didn't have the power to kill a person unlike the ones today. Toys were simple then. Now days everything is electronic games ang gadgets and very expensive. Odd thing is that kids today don't know how to have fun.

-1bigsteve (o:

I remember the rock - um - sockem robots. I used to love those things.

Remember the little red triangles at 640 and 1240 on transistor radio dials? Those were CONELRAD stations for emergency radio broadcasts in the event of a national emergency. That was a very paranoid time in history. We seemed to have a lot of big advantages, along with a lot of big worries.

Now that I think about it Yooper, the EBS that succeeded CONELRAD is gone now too. “For the next 60 seconds, this station is conducting a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. This is only a test…” followed by that ear-splitting tone! “If this had been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed where to tune in your area for news and official information.”

(Apparently the successor to the Emergency Broadcast System is called the Emergency Alert System.)

I had a little transistor radio, I loved that thing. I think of the toys I had & wow, kids would hate them. I remember making airplanes out of two of the old fashioned clothes pins. Also we'd take linen hankies & take thread & make parachutes with the green plastic soldiers. Of course my brother used to freak when he saw me playing with them.

I remember puting some caps inside a large nut and thread two bolts into the nut and then toss it into the air. The bolts would set off the caps. My friends and I were always making some sort of missle using caps. I had a transitor radio in '66 but it never seemed to work very well.

I loved shooting parachutes up into the air using a slingshot. I either bought them pre-made or made them out of plastic, string and a steel nut. A friend of mine chased her's into the street and she got hit by a car. Her dad made a contraption to imobilize her broken hip until it healed. That was in the '20s when money was scarce.

Does anyone remember that powdered stuff that came in a white plastic tub and you added water to it, waited 45 minutes and it turned into a pink blob of some sort? It was around in the '60s. Silly Putty was kind of neat too and so were those Duncan Yo-Yo's. I had a set of Roy Rogers cap pistols and guitar. A lot of the coolest toys came out as I was getting too old to play with them so all I could do was to drool while younger kids had a blast. The good old days.

-1bigsteve (o:

slingys. Probably spelled wrong but used to have a slingy. Legos.

I had a Slinky too...and a set of cedar wood Lincoln Logs...remember those?

Yup, I remember those too. I had some.I can even remember the school house rock on saturday mornings and afterschool specials.

Does anyone remember "Clackers"? They were 2 glass balls on a string that were briefly popular in the 60's. You would gently rock the balls to start hitting one another, then do tricks with them, they were discontinued because the glass balls could break, and they bruised the hell out of your arms and elbows!!!!! I had a set briefly, then my mom took them away.

Also, walkie talkies were cool!

I remember "Clackers" really well - mainly because I never had a set. Fun though they were, they were also noisy as all get out, which didn't mix well with certain parental work schedules! The paddle and ball toy was just as much fun though.

I don't know why, but Clackers remind me of mood rings. Myself and all my college dorm buddies wore them in the late 70's.