Ouragan (Hurricane) Maxine
Posted: Mon Jan 10, 2005 7:57 pm
My mother is here.... OH MON DIEU!
She arrived Friday. I met her at the airport. Of course you can no longer meet people at the gate.... They have to walk up this long ramp once they get off the plane-- But you can see them from the lounge.
Mama was the 2nd person off the plane-- Followed by 2 of what I can only assume are usually very competent business men. One of them was struggling with not only his carry on and briefcase but Maxine's carry on as well. The other had his things as well as her coat and purse. The song "short skirt long jacket" (cake) was playing and somehow Maxine managed to stride up the ramp to the proper tempo.
As near as I can guess she is 62-- But she easily looks 40.
She insisted that we have a drink in the "cock pit" lounge... "We shall all have a dreenk in zee cock peet". Although not a terrible experience, it wasn't pleasant either...
We leave the airport for the 2 hour drive home....
I took Thayne's car so he would have the big-rig in case her flight was late and he had to get the kids from school.
I am not a happy driver-- I am not a bad driver-- but I prefer not to drive. I didn't even learn to drive until I was 25! I was white knuckling it through 6 lanes of lunch hour traffic-- all 12 cylinders screaming in unison as I attempted to stray with the flow of traffic. Naturally Maxine thinks this is the perfect time to fiddle with the radio... She finds an oldies station and turns her attention to the traffic-- which I am not navigating well enough to please her.... With Pat Benatar ordering us to hit her with our best shot we merge onto the interstate... Suddenly Maxine screams out the name of our Saviour and crosses herself in what appears to be self-inflicted last rights.... I screamed right back at her to shut up-- and she did... FOR 40 MILES. I had to beg her to forgive me.. Of course this pleased her immeasurably.
We managed to make it to my house where she muttered "Mon Dieu" at every possible opportunity... When asked what was wrong-- she smiled (thinly) and said.. "nothing".
The weekend went OK-- I did manage to get a few moments to myself when she taught my daughters to dance to "Shake Your Tail Feather" by Ike and Tina Turner... Later she showed Alax (16) a new move or two by dancing to Billy Idol's "Mony Mony" in my (according to her) informally decorated salon.....
Today she accompianied me on my errands....
I blame Nancie for this one.....
We went to WalMart because I wanted to see if they had any plain bibs (they did not) I could use to make a Lizzie bib-- anyway.. in the baby aisle I got all verklempt looking at all the baby stuff and wished (for about 1 second) that it was I having the baby...
Of course this comes from the fact that all my babies are now in school.. I am turning 38 tomorrow and I am still looking for a new role... Anyway... as usual.. I digress.
Maxine asked me what was wrong and I told her what was on my mind-- and she told me I should not be looking at such things if I was going to upset myself.. I told her what I had planned.. and why I was in the baby section to begin with.... Wrong choice.
She went on a 10 minute tirade about Lizzie and why would I want to put the "likeness of a murderous lesbian" (not so loose translation) on a "garment" meant for an innocent child?
Again.. I blame Nancie for this....
We leave the baby section and on our way to the pharmacy section (where she plans to buy large amounts of Witch Hazel for undetermined purposes) we pass the electronics department. From out of no where she tells me that it has become "very popular to dislike Enya" and that she can not tolerate her anymore.....
OK mama....
She can play any pre-1980 song you can name on the piano.. including "bad bad leroy brown" and she will prove this by pounding it out.. complete with a well placed "woo"....
Thayne knows how this annoys me so naturally he says things like "Maxine, why don't you play that Jim Croche song on the piano that we all love so much?"
Do not get me wrong-- I love my mother. I really do... But I woud love her more at your house... Anyone want her???
She arrived Friday. I met her at the airport. Of course you can no longer meet people at the gate.... They have to walk up this long ramp once they get off the plane-- But you can see them from the lounge.
Mama was the 2nd person off the plane-- Followed by 2 of what I can only assume are usually very competent business men. One of them was struggling with not only his carry on and briefcase but Maxine's carry on as well. The other had his things as well as her coat and purse. The song "short skirt long jacket" (cake) was playing and somehow Maxine managed to stride up the ramp to the proper tempo.
As near as I can guess she is 62-- But she easily looks 40.
She insisted that we have a drink in the "cock pit" lounge... "We shall all have a dreenk in zee cock peet". Although not a terrible experience, it wasn't pleasant either...
We leave the airport for the 2 hour drive home....
I took Thayne's car so he would have the big-rig in case her flight was late and he had to get the kids from school.
I am not a happy driver-- I am not a bad driver-- but I prefer not to drive. I didn't even learn to drive until I was 25! I was white knuckling it through 6 lanes of lunch hour traffic-- all 12 cylinders screaming in unison as I attempted to stray with the flow of traffic. Naturally Maxine thinks this is the perfect time to fiddle with the radio... She finds an oldies station and turns her attention to the traffic-- which I am not navigating well enough to please her.... With Pat Benatar ordering us to hit her with our best shot we merge onto the interstate... Suddenly Maxine screams out the name of our Saviour and crosses herself in what appears to be self-inflicted last rights.... I screamed right back at her to shut up-- and she did... FOR 40 MILES. I had to beg her to forgive me.. Of course this pleased her immeasurably.
We managed to make it to my house where she muttered "Mon Dieu" at every possible opportunity... When asked what was wrong-- she smiled (thinly) and said.. "nothing".
The weekend went OK-- I did manage to get a few moments to myself when she taught my daughters to dance to "Shake Your Tail Feather" by Ike and Tina Turner... Later she showed Alax (16) a new move or two by dancing to Billy Idol's "Mony Mony" in my (according to her) informally decorated salon.....
Today she accompianied me on my errands....
I blame Nancie for this one.....
We went to WalMart because I wanted to see if they had any plain bibs (they did not) I could use to make a Lizzie bib-- anyway.. in the baby aisle I got all verklempt looking at all the baby stuff and wished (for about 1 second) that it was I having the baby...
Of course this comes from the fact that all my babies are now in school.. I am turning 38 tomorrow and I am still looking for a new role... Anyway... as usual.. I digress.
Maxine asked me what was wrong and I told her what was on my mind-- and she told me I should not be looking at such things if I was going to upset myself.. I told her what I had planned.. and why I was in the baby section to begin with.... Wrong choice.
She went on a 10 minute tirade about Lizzie and why would I want to put the "likeness of a murderous lesbian" (not so loose translation) on a "garment" meant for an innocent child?
Again.. I blame Nancie for this....
We leave the baby section and on our way to the pharmacy section (where she plans to buy large amounts of Witch Hazel for undetermined purposes) we pass the electronics department. From out of no where she tells me that it has become "very popular to dislike Enya" and that she can not tolerate her anymore.....
OK mama....
She can play any pre-1980 song you can name on the piano.. including "bad bad leroy brown" and she will prove this by pounding it out.. complete with a well placed "woo"....
Thayne knows how this annoys me so naturally he says things like "Maxine, why don't you play that Jim Croche song on the piano that we all love so much?"
Do not get me wrong-- I love my mother. I really do... But I woud love her more at your house... Anyone want her???
Auds...send the Darling over. 
