Unintentional Funnies

[bobarth]

1bigsteve

"Exactly"

I have always wanted to go into a store and ask if they have any of that old original crummy stuff left.

[Constantine]

While I like George Carlin and he says a lot of things that need to be said, I am by no means an uncritical admirer of him (not that I think he would expect me to be). For example, don't open your mouth around him without consulting the list of expressions he doesn't like. (Don't call an obvious choice a "no-brainer," for instance. (Yes I will, and if he doesn't like it, too bad.))

Even standard usages are not always logical. For example, "I didn't know she was Amy's daughter." (She still is.) Or "I never want to see you again." (What you mean is that you want never to see the person again, but saying it that way would sound funny.)

[SteveS.]

Stefani, i was just reading through old posts when I came across this one from you back in July of 2005 "My teacher in high school told us we were going to read "A sale of two titties"---we just looked at each other and tried to be kind."
I must admit I sat here at the computer and laughed out loud for a good 10 minutes. You made my day

[1bigsteve]

Stefani, i was just reading through old posts when I came across this one from you back in July of 2005 "My teacher in high school told us we were going to read "A sale of two titties"---we just looked at each other and tried to be kind."
I must admit I sat here at the computer and laughed out loud for a good 10 minutes. You made my day

An anouncer made that same mistake on TV years ago. I'll bet it took him a while to live that one down.

Here try saying this one real fast:

"In the sheets she sits. She sits in the sheets. Where does she sit? In the sheets she sits." OK, enough for today.

-1bigsteve (o:

[Constantine]

The way I learned it was:

I slit a sheet, a sheet i slit; and on this slitted sheet I sit.

or how about:

One smart feller, he felt smart; two smart fellers, they felt smart; three smart fellers, they all felt smart.

A few g-rated ones:

rubber baby buggy bumpers
toy boats
black bug's blood

Here's one I thought up:

kosher sushi


A similar blooper was:

This is KTIW Sexas Titty, uh, Texas City.

[SteveS.]

thank you 1bigsteve and constantine This thread is an awesome stress reliever.

[Constantine]

One I noticed recently on a plastic bag:

To avoid danger of suffocation, keep away from babies and small children.

[1bigsteve]

Hmmm... I guess if we don't want to suffocate small children and babies we had better keep our distance from them.

-1bigsteve (o:

[Constantine]

I understood it as "If you don't want to be suffocated, keep away from babies and small children."

(I realize that this deals with a situation that has resulted in tragedy for many people. No offense meant. (As Carol Burnett said, comedy is often tragedy plus time.))

[1bigsteve]

Thats even better, Constantine.

I had a teacher that made me feel like I was suffocating everytime she got near. I never could do anything right.

Plastic wrap and bags do kill a lot of children every year. I wish they would bring back the universal skull and crossbones sign. You don't need to understand english to know what it means. Parents beware!

-1bigsteve (o:

[1bigsteve]

Here's one I hear everyday. "Valued Customer." I thought all customers are valued?

I knew a realtor who used this line, "You might can do it." That one drove me up the wall.

"Where is it at?" bug's me. "It's behind the at." "Where is it?" sound's better.

-1bigsteve (o:

[Constantine]

How's this?

A sign on one of those knobs or buttons on walls that unlock doors:

Push to exit. (Can you imagine some dunce pushing the knob and wondering why he's still inside?)

[Constantine]

This is a thread that might well be revived.

How about "close proximity"? (Is there another kind?)
Or "closed for business."